Blue

Today, I am focusing on a friend who was lost not too long ago. I will not be posting her name for privacy reasons. She was a fantastic person. She was there for me when I needed her while we lived in Italy together, but we did drift apart when we both moved back to the states. Luckily, that drift didn't end our friendship. We weren't the type of friends who needed to check in on each other everyday. We could go weeks without speaking and come back to each other as if no time had passed, and I loved that about our friendship. She knew that she could talk to me about any problem if she needed to. I can't say what she was going through during the time of her death because I honestly don't know. I know what depression and suicidal thoughts are like so I know that whatever was going on with her was something she didn't believe she could talk with anyone about. I do wish that she would have opened up to me though because maybe I could have helped her. Losing a friend to suicide is never easy, and it doesn't get easier following the death since your mind begins to question how you should have or could have helped. Sometimes there is no helping someone unless they want to be helped. All you can do is make yourself as available as possible, notice the signs if any are present, and hope that the suicidal person will want to seek help through you. Here is the poem I wrote for her, Blue.

I see the future sometimes in my head

None of those futures included you being dead

I wish you were here, alive and well

I’m so filled with rage, I feel the need to yell

Friends forever is what you said we’d be

So I have to ask, “Why did you leave me?”

You should have stayed and told me what was wrong

I could've been there to help you remain strong

I’m so sad you're gone and I hate you for leaving

You’ve left me alone, now I’m here grieving

You helped so many people so that they wouldn’t feel blue

Unfortunately, no one was there to do the same for you

"Those that we love don't go away, they walk beside us everyday...unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed, and very dear."

#death